Walking is fine, but not my favorite…

6/25/10
For over two years I have been dealing with injuries that have interrupted my running.
I like to walk. I like the feeling of the early morning air and the calls of the birds as my dog, Yoshi and I walk around the park or along the creek that is swollen from the abundant spring rains. I like that I can carry a coffee cup without spilling too much. We’ve come to recognize the hawk that’s taken up residence by the little bridge and Yoshi’s timing has improved so now he doesn’t wait to do his business until we are at the absolute furthest point from a trashcan.
I no longer take Yoshi to the lake, though, because he cares too much about other dogs. He cares in the way of snarling and snapping when he doesn’t like their attitude. I try to explain to him that he shares some of the responsibility for the bad feeling. I suspect him of assigning inaccurate information to the aura he’s sensing. I’m quite sure he’s contributing to their attitudes by his own negative expectations. I remind him that as long as he behaves this way, he loses lake privileges. But he just stares at me, wags his tail and gives me that dog-grin that makes me laugh. We both know that his bad behavior is my fault for not training him better when he was young. I try to do better, be firmer, not laugh. I try harder than he does. He expects that my dog-parent guilt will excuse his bad behavior, and clearly he’s correct.
I do better parenting humans.
But this was not the point. My point is that even though I like to walk, I love to run. Even when I hate how difficult it is, I love the hard work and the way I feel after. There’s a sense of freedom that comes with running. I’m not at peace with this interruption. My body rebels. I used to tell my coach that the longer I took off, the more my body hurt. He laughed but he understood. He has struggled with physical changes and losses of his own. As we all have. As we all will.
I’ve done a good job putting my attention other places. I’ve written a book and a number of essays. I’ve learned to manage stress other ways. But my body isn’t in sync anymore. I stay up too late, eat worse than I should, don’t drink enough water, miss seeing my running partner every morning, and have missed way too many sunrises.
I haven’t given up, my physical therapy is going well, and I’m sensing repair on the horizon, but it’s challenging.
In the mean time, Yoshi’s getting A LOT of walk-time. Although not behaving any better.

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~ by lindsaynielsen on June 25, 2010.